RAPID FIRE REVIEWS!

MRMOVIESETC REVIEWS:

"The Christmas Chronicles" (2018)

I honestly never thought I'd see a remake of "The Santa Clause" with a Santa character that is way more badass.

Sorry, Tim.

***  

In all honesty, the film isn't too bad. It's certainly a league ahead of anything that passes itself off as Christmas entertainment these days. Hell, with Netflix, the two biggest options this year were either this or "A Christmas Wedding: The Royal Bullshit Parade That Should Have Been on the Hallmark Channel", or whatever it was called; so Kurt Russell it shall be. Speaking of, Russell really is perfect for a sweet, yet more hard-nosed version of Ol' St. Nick. He knew how to breathe a lot of fun into a character that is usually reserved for actors "of a certain age", and he makes the performance the most memorable it has been probably since Tim Allen, truthfully told, unless we're counting Alec Baldwin's voice acting bit from "Rise of the Guardians".

However, I was only semi-joking about the whole remake thing, because I know I'm not the only one that noticed at least a couple of dead-on plot beats that "Chronicles", I guess, borrowed: Christmas almost gets ruined; Santa goes to jail; elves get called on to bail him out. Sounds familiar, right? Admittedly that was a bit disappointing as I was hoping to see something completely new, but other than a few clunky transitions from one scene to another, "The Christmas Chronicles" has laughs, it has heart where it matters, and just the right amount of cheese to prevent it from taking itself too seriously.

I'd say it's worth a look.

"The Christmas Chronicles": 7.5/10

"The Happytime Murders" (2018)

There's a possibly that I'm going to blow you away with what I am about to tell you, but, here goes . . .

Puppets replacing actual jokes with cursing and sexual innuendos non-stop is not funny enough to last ninety minutes. 

I'll give you a few moments to absorb that . . .

***  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some snob hating on this material; in fact, it's the exact opposite. I grew up during the golden age of South Park, Family Guy, and other various adult-themed comedy shtick that was on Adult Swim at the time, so it should come as no surprise how much "Happytime" ticked me off from it letting such promising material go to waste because of terrible writing. Actually, sorry, I should clarify - terrible comedy writing. The plot is actually well-formulated and executed, spoof or not - sans humans being "racist" against puppets for no particular reason - that it remained intriguing enough for me to at least give Todd Berger credit for that much. 

What makes it worse is that there were a few genuinely laugh-out-loud moments, which exposed the film's potential. I would have preferred it sucked all the way through, but now I cannot ignore the fact that there could have been something there. I don't even want to talk about the fact about how criminally underused Melissa McCarthy was as well. I understand that she's a dorky character, so naturally she'll have dorky dialogue, but it's so over-the-top dorky that elementary school kids would cringe at it. 

Ugh, it's a dud.

"The Happytime Murders": 3.5/10

"The Nun" (2018)

While we're on the subject of duds and wasted potential, how the Hell did this one get screwed up??

There's very little chance that the Conjure-verse will ever sink lower than the first "Annabelle", but "The Nun" fits snugly a step or two above it. I mean, let's be honest, James Wan could not have made a prequel like this any easier after creating a legitimately creepy-ass nun character that was one of the highlights in "The Conjuring 2", and Warner Bros./New Line got Corin Hardy on board to direct, whose only previous work was "The Hallows" from 2015 - a damn good debut horror film - so I'll have to be forgiven when I say the math doesn't add up here as to how this movie was so damn BORING.  

Was there really nothing more that could have been done with Valak other than the occasional telegraphed-from-a-mile-away jumpscare or having the demon float down a dark hallway toward the camera half a dozen times as a crucifix on a wall inverts itself? Really??

With the 1950s era, gothic set pieces, and a worthy antagonist, there's really no excuse for a sub-par horror film that had everything laid out for it. Hopefully for Hardy, this was only a sophomore slump.

"The Nun": 4/10

"Dumplin'" (2018)

Yeah, it's fine. 

The film doesn't color outside the box or do anything to bend the boundaries of any predecessors in the genre, however, it has good intentions and performs them without many hiccups. Being advertised as a musical of sorts, I would have liked to have had tracks that were a bit more memorable (no disrespect to the great Dolly Parton), but in the moment, the songs work out. 

The actors did a nice job in this one, too. I'm not at all familiar with Danielle Macdonald's previous works, though she did carry the lead role with plenty of moxie and sass to spare. Jennifer Aniston feels a little below her pay grade in this one, but she did fine as well.

Everything comes together in this film, and it does speak to the crowd with insecurities in a 2018 setting, I just wish it had more fresh ideas. 

Not much more to say about it. Check it out if it's your thing.

"Dumplin'": 7.5/10

"The Equalizer 2" (2018)

I sincerely did not expect "The Equalizer 2" to be as good as it turned out; in fact, I may have enjoyed it slightly more than the original. It's not a masterpiece or anything, and the Third Act is so absurd I found myself laughing at certain times -  kind of in a good way - if that makes sense? I'll explain in a second.

I think what I appreciated more about the sequel over the first installment is that while the first was fun in a way Director Antoine Fuqua only could with copious amounts of violence, that's really all the first one had going for it; whereas the sequel still has its violence, yet it is more about Denzel's Robert McCall character and his development since the tragedies of the first film. He's still a man of few words, but since we're talking about Denzel, his facial expressions and quiet demeanor make him engrossing in ways that words or bullets cannot. It's his movie and he turns in a solid performance like one would expect.

I do hear some grumblings about "Equalizer 2" having too many subplots, and I'm pretty sure there were only 2, maybe 3, and it still didn't come off as convoluted, so are we just settling for brainless cinema now?

I definitely recommend it; I had a great time!

"The Equalizer 2": 8/10

"Smallfoot" (2018)

Your kids will likely find a lot to laugh about during the movie. It's short enough and it will hold their attention. 

Adults won't have quite as much to grasp on to, but I will say for an off-the-Disney path animated movie that still tries to act somewhat like a Disney film, you can do worse. I will warn you and say it starts slow, but once the story gets going, it does hold its own long enough. Hey, I have to give it at least somewhat of a pass since I'm fairly certain it was taking some tongue-in-cheek jabs at the whole Religion vs. Pursuit of Knowledge thing that's always a hit at the dinner table. I don't care what the end result is - that alone takes guts. 

Outside of that, the animation looks good and the voice acting gets the job done. Channing Tatum as the lead has proven successful in the past when it comes to comedy, and that is really no different. 

"Smallfoot" has a good heart in the right place, and it's worth checking out with the family on a cold night.

"Smallfoot": 7/10

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