RAPID FIRE REVIEWS!

MRMOVIESETC REVIEWS:

"The Christmas Chronicles" (2018)

I honestly never thought I'd see a remake of "The Santa Clause" with a Santa character that is way more badass.

Sorry, Tim.

***  

In all honesty, the film isn't too bad. It's certainly a league ahead of anything that passes itself off as Christmas entertainment these days. Hell, with Netflix, the two biggest options this year were either this or "A Christmas Wedding: The Royal Bullshit Parade That Should Have Been on the Hallmark Channel", or whatever it was called; so Kurt Russell it shall be. Speaking of, Russell really is perfect for a sweet, yet more hard-nosed version of Ol' St. Nick. He knew how to breathe a lot of fun into a character that is usually reserved for actors "of a certain age", and he makes the performance the most memorable it has been probably since Tim Allen, truthfully told, unless we're counting Alec Baldwin's voice acting bit from "Rise of the Guardians".

However, I was only semi-joking about the whole remake thing, because I know I'm not the only one that noticed at least a couple of dead-on plot beats that "Chronicles", I guess, borrowed: Christmas almost gets ruined; Santa goes to jail; elves get called on to bail him out. Sounds familiar, right? Admittedly that was a bit disappointing as I was hoping to see something completely new, but other than a few clunky transitions from one scene to another, "The Christmas Chronicles" has laughs, it has heart where it matters, and just the right amount of cheese to prevent it from taking itself too seriously.

I'd say it's worth a look.

"The Christmas Chronicles": 7.5/10

"The Happytime Murders" (2018)

There's a possibly that I'm going to blow you away with what I am about to tell you, but, here goes . . .

Puppets replacing actual jokes with cursing and sexual innuendos non-stop is not funny enough to last ninety minutes. 

I'll give you a few moments to absorb that . . .

***  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some snob hating on this material; in fact, it's the exact opposite. I grew up during the golden age of South Park, Family Guy, and other various adult-themed comedy shtick that was on Adult Swim at the time, so it should come as no surprise how much "Happytime" ticked me off from it letting such promising material go to waste because of terrible writing. Actually, sorry, I should clarify - terrible comedy writing. The plot is actually well-formulated and executed, spoof or not - sans humans being "racist" against puppets for no particular reason - that it remained intriguing enough for me to at least give Todd Berger credit for that much. 

What makes it worse is that there were a few genuinely laugh-out-loud moments, which exposed the film's potential. I would have preferred it sucked all the way through, but now I cannot ignore the fact that there could have been something there. I don't even want to talk about the fact about how criminally underused Melissa McCarthy was as well. I understand that she's a dorky character, so naturally she'll have dorky dialogue, but it's so over-the-top dorky that elementary school kids would cringe at it. 

Ugh, it's a dud.

"The Happytime Murders": 3.5/10

"The Nun" (2018)

While we're on the subject of duds and wasted potential, how the Hell did this one get screwed up??

There's very little chance that the Conjure-verse will ever sink lower than the first "Annabelle", but "The Nun" fits snugly a step or two above it. I mean, let's be honest, James Wan could not have made a prequel like this any easier after creating a legitimately creepy-ass nun character that was one of the highlights in "The Conjuring 2", and Warner Bros./New Line got Corin Hardy on board to direct, whose only previous work was "The Hallows" from 2015 - a damn good debut horror film - so I'll have to be forgiven when I say the math doesn't add up here as to how this movie was so damn BORING.  

Was there really nothing more that could have been done with Valak other than the occasional telegraphed-from-a-mile-away jumpscare or having the demon float down a dark hallway toward the camera half a dozen times as a crucifix on a wall inverts itself? Really??

With the 1950s era, gothic set pieces, and a worthy antagonist, there's really no excuse for a sub-par horror film that had everything laid out for it. Hopefully for Hardy, this was only a sophomore slump.

"The Nun": 4/10

"Dumplin'" (2018)

Yeah, it's fine. 

The film doesn't color outside the box or do anything to bend the boundaries of any predecessors in the genre, however, it has good intentions and performs them without many hiccups. Being advertised as a musical of sorts, I would have liked to have had tracks that were a bit more memorable (no disrespect to the great Dolly Parton), but in the moment, the songs work out. 

The actors did a nice job in this one, too. I'm not at all familiar with Danielle Macdonald's previous works, though she did carry the lead role with plenty of moxie and sass to spare. Jennifer Aniston feels a little below her pay grade in this one, but she did fine as well.

Everything comes together in this film, and it does speak to the crowd with insecurities in a 2018 setting, I just wish it had more fresh ideas. 

Not much more to say about it. Check it out if it's your thing.

"Dumplin'": 7.5/10

"The Equalizer 2" (2018)

I sincerely did not expect "The Equalizer 2" to be as good as it turned out; in fact, I may have enjoyed it slightly more than the original. It's not a masterpiece or anything, and the Third Act is so absurd I found myself laughing at certain times -  kind of in a good way - if that makes sense? I'll explain in a second.

I think what I appreciated more about the sequel over the first installment is that while the first was fun in a way Director Antoine Fuqua only could with copious amounts of violence, that's really all the first one had going for it; whereas the sequel still has its violence, yet it is more about Denzel's Robert McCall character and his development since the tragedies of the first film. He's still a man of few words, but since we're talking about Denzel, his facial expressions and quiet demeanor make him engrossing in ways that words or bullets cannot. It's his movie and he turns in a solid performance like one would expect.

I do hear some grumblings about "Equalizer 2" having too many subplots, and I'm pretty sure there were only 2, maybe 3, and it still didn't come off as convoluted, so are we just settling for brainless cinema now?

I definitely recommend it; I had a great time!

"The Equalizer 2": 8/10

"Smallfoot" (2018)

Your kids will likely find a lot to laugh about during the movie. It's short enough and it will hold their attention. 

Adults won't have quite as much to grasp on to, but I will say for an off-the-Disney path animated movie that still tries to act somewhat like a Disney film, you can do worse. I will warn you and say it starts slow, but once the story gets going, it does hold its own long enough. Hey, I have to give it at least somewhat of a pass since I'm fairly certain it was taking some tongue-in-cheek jabs at the whole Religion vs. Pursuit of Knowledge thing that's always a hit at the dinner table. I don't care what the end result is - that alone takes guts. 

Outside of that, the animation looks good and the voice acting gets the job done. Channing Tatum as the lead has proven successful in the past when it comes to comedy, and that is really no different. 

"Smallfoot" has a good heart in the right place, and it's worth checking out with the family on a cold night.

"Smallfoot": 7/10

 THANKS FOR READING!

NEW REVIEW: "The Intouchables" (2011)

MRMOVIESETC REVIEWS:

“The Intouchables” (2011)

Wow, a film that cracks light-hearted jokes about a disabled person? How have all copies of this not been burned yet?

*** 

I don’t really have the patience or the temperament to answer those questions without going on a long-winded rant, so I’ll just skip all that. What I will talk about, though, is how “Intouchables” is witty, sometimes even hilarious, and you should absolutely watch it sometime as long as you do not mind the whole subtitles thing.

Although, besides the fact that it’s comical and smile-inducing throughout its entirety, that’s not really the most interesting thing about it; rather, it was the film’s approach to the subject material at hand that gives makes it enjoyable. What I mean by that is the fact that Directors Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano opted to make the film so straightforward and focused on the two main leads that, despite all the potential baggage both of them carry that could have easily come into play, they conversely decided to stay away from that temptation to the degree of making the movie feel like an introvert shying away from confrontation.

Forgive my going on a small side street here, but this is where I often struggle from a critiquing standpoint, because I cannot count how many times I have scored against a film’s decision to avoid those opportunities, from where I sat at least, was a failure to explore new areas of depth in the screenplay; sometimes to the degree of getting a little pissed off. In the case of “Intouchables”, however, I find myself giving all of that a pass since the formula works, with a big credit going to the two leads riffing beautifully off of each other, and the directors sticking to their guns and saying, “Hey, we want this to be a (dark-ish) comedy with a feel good vibe, so let’s just do that.” Alternatively, I would have been fine if it had taken a few of those darker avenues along the way, but like I said, it worked even if the screenplay isn’t that deep, so no necessary need to fix it.

Story-wise, Omar Sy plays Driss, an ex-con whom is fresh out of a six month stint in prison, and he needs to prove he’s been applying for employment so he can receive some benefits from the government. One of the places he stops at is a live-in caregiver position for a wealthy, middle-age hotel owner named Philippe (Francois Cluzet), who is wheelchair-bound due to being paralyzed from the neck down. Driss makes it clear throughout the interview process that he absolutely has no interest in working there and that he only wants Philippe’s signature on his parole document, and perhaps an intimate encounter with Philippe’s extremely attractive assistant, Magalie (Audrey Fleurot), whom he makes a few passes out before leaving. Much to his surprise, Philippe offers Driss the job on a probationary basis at first, because he sees Driss as somebody incapable of offering much in the way of empathy, which is exactly how he wants to be treated versus being coddled and spoken down to like a helpless child from formal caregivers.

At first the relationship is awkward because Driss says pretty much everything that comes to his mind without filter, whilst Philippe still has that proper etiquette and his high society friends that cannot help but remind him how much of a mismatch Driss is to the environment and surely he must be making a mistake. As these things go, the two develop a strong bond and go on their share of one miscellaneous adventure after the next with humorous exchanges and results. More importantly, again, while the film often pretends that the pressures of the outside world do not exist in a way that they almost always would, it does do a pretty good job with the character development for both Driss and Philippe. For instance, Driss helps Philippe come to terms with the deeply-rooted insecurities and resentments of his disability, and Philippe helps Driss understand that he’s not a one-dimensional guy that has a serious knack for mentoring and the arts. Sure, this is something has been done in film countless times, but the cast’s buying in is what makes this one worth investing time. Besides, it’s always interesting to see the barriers of two good-nature individuals with cocky dispositions get worn down at the will of one another’s viewpoints or antics.

Speaking of which, both Omar Sy and Francois Cluzet are brilliant in this film. It’s one thing to be good, great, or award-notable, but it is a whole other thing entirely to appear effortless, and while that may not always equate in the same manner as, say, an Oscar nomination would, these kinds are genuinely my favorite. Watching these two on screen, you would think Sy and Cluzet have been best friends for years much like the two real life men the characters are based on. Hell, half of the movie could have been Driss and Philippe sitting in a room discussing politics and I would still be sucked into it.  I also talked about how Driss had a particular interest in Magalie, well, this continues off and on, and while it comes across as sleazy at first, Magalie starts playing the game, and they are some of the funniest scenes - at Driss’s expense.

Of course, I’m not going to lie to you and say the film is perfect. There’s some intermittent dialogue between Driss and Philippe, mainly by about sex, which is derivative compared to any you-name-it comedies and felt far below each’s threshold, and a few scenes of mini-conflicts, one involving suicide,

that were resolved rather easily. I mean, it’s one thing to not explore or shrug those to the side, but if addressed, there should be at least some effort and difficulty added to the equation. Just my two cents.

Overall, could “Intouchables” have tried to go a bit bolder with the material? Sure. Although, to do so, it would have created an entirely different film with an entirely different atmosphere. I can’t help but think my mind is going to ponder what could have happened in that scenario, but nonetheless, I cannot hardly complain seeing as “Intouchables” made me smile for nearly two hours. I certainly recommend it, especially if you’re needing a break from what passes as comedy these days or the onslaught of depression Hollywood is convinced the world needs.

“The Intouchables”: 8/10

NEW REVIEW: "Searching" (2018)

MRMOVIESETC REVIEWS:

"Searching" (2018)

SHORT VERSION:

Believe the hype. 

LONG VERSION:

For as much as I love horror, drama, and comedy, I have a special place in my heart for a good mystery movie; in particular, the ones that can find that fleeting balance between making the gears turn in your head enough that you want to beat the story to its own conclusion, but at the same time knows how to be fun and allows you to sit back to enjoy the unfolding. The biggest challenge for the filmmakers is that this is probably one of the most formulaic genres in the gambit; where the First Act is going to have your disappearance, kidnapping, murder, etc., the Second Act will have the loved one or other interested party following the breadcrumbs, and the Third will have the plot come to a head in a conclusive or ambiguous way. 

I'm sure there a few miscellaneous choices in between, but the two main roads to really choose from here are either "Will the story build to an epic and satisfying climax?" or "Will this be more about the journey rather than the destination?" In a way, "Searching" is a little bit of both, though I guess it would lean toward the latter. Regardless, what Writer Sev Ohanian and Writer/Director Aneesh Chaganty have accomplished is easily one of the best, if not the best, in the genre since "Prisoners" back in 2013, and I would go as far as to say this not only tops that one, but should easily fit in many Top 10 lists at the end of this year. This is one hell of a good film.

As far as the story goes, "Searching" revolves a recently widowed father, David Kim (John Cho), and his teenage daughter, Margot (Michelle La), as both of them are trying to lead semi-normal lives a few years after David's wife, Pamela, succumbs to lymphoma after a lengthy battle. Despite the traumatic shake-up, David and Margot's relationship seems pretty level; that is until Margot leaves to go to a classmate's house for a study group late into the evening and never returns, leaving nothing but a few missed calls and Facetime notifications on David's phone that serve as a quick nod to the audience that "Yes, something definitely bad as gone down." After David is able to narrow down whom the other teenagers were at the study group, he soon finds out that Margot is not as social as he thought she was, and after attempting to look at her social media and discovering that they are all blocked from public view, he goes down the internet rabbit hole of twists, turns, red herrings, and secrets, along with the aid of local detective, Rosemary Vick (Debra Messing). 

That's really about as far as I can or am willing to go, but it covers the basic gist. 

On the surface, this may all sound like a run-of-the-mill flick that is trying to pander to both the social media-heavy younger demographic and to the paranoid phobias of their parents, which, in a way, is true; however, Chaganty shot "Searching" in such an intelligent way that it puts the audience in the shoes of David mostly from a First Person point-of-view as if everyone were to feel they were in on this search, and what they would do next when something David tried ended up failing. Yes, this is a tactic that's been attempted recently in horror to mixed results, although this has tackled it the best so far. Better yet, the film also had the wits about it to not put this perspective in overkill mode by having just the occasional scene here and there where it pans away from a laptop monitor or a phone screen to show the characters moving around in their environment. It's an extremely effective method across the board that helps create true feelings of dread as David digs up more and more secrets that Margot had been hiding, yet they were secrets mainly to him as the uncovered facts had been all over the internet for anybody to see should they be looking for it. 

After the film ends and everything starts to sink in, it becomes more impressive yet that the success of the whole story falls almost exclusively on Cho, La, and Messing to sell it. It was easy enough in the beginning to be on David and Margot's team after the tragedy that they had endured, although that alone often cannot carry a feature all the way to the finish line, so it's up to the actors to keep that connection alive. Michelle La has such an innocent and timid sweetness to her that it's impossible to not want the best for her, and John Cho turns in what is likely his best performance to date as a father that teeters back and forth from focus to near-implosion and back again. Not to mention the importance of his character's affiliation and banter with Messing (also a solid performance) that helped generate some of the key tensions as the case unravels. 

I could nit-pick a few minor issues that either nearly blew the lid of the whole thing just by trying to be a bit too clever, and an incident where David makes a poor judgment call that could be feasible for somebody under incredible emotional distress, but wasn't carried out with quite enough finesse to feel like anything more than a plot device that gets dismissed without any real ramifications. Come to think of it, if it had gone the way one would expect it to, that could have created a different angle that potentially made things intensify even further. Still, the writing had plenty more tricks up its sleeve that the film quickly recovers without any real damage done.

Overall, I think that's the most I can go into "Searching" without giving up the farm, so to speak. This is a solid and highly entertaining thriller that seems to have gone relatively unnoticed and criminally under-promoted. It's slick, perfectly paced, and to alleviate some possible concerns, I should also note that this is not some preachy bullshit about a dull or doomed generation. Sure, it illustrates some of the frightening possibilities that come with the technology at hand, but the goal here was not to condescend and instead treat people as smart enough to know the threat.

As I mentioned in the short version up top - Believe the hype. I cannot think of any reason why you would regret seeking out a copy of this and giving it a shot. I cannot recommend it enough.

"Searching": 9.5/10

NEW REVIEW: "Ralph Breaks the Internet"

MRMOVIESETC REVIEWS:

"Ralph Breaks the Internet" (2018)

"Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch,
where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs!"

"No! Good Lord, who would do that?"

You know, I guess I should be glad for the fact that it's only on rare occasion where legitimate concerns spawned from a film's initial couple of trailers end up coming true. Aside from the whole (pretty hilarious) "Bunny Pancake" thing that came out pre-release, all the others promotions for "Ralph Breaks the Internet" felt a little bit off, and that is not something I can say I have felt about a Disney Animation release since before "Tangled" back in 2010 when Disney was riding the Pixar wave hard due to their own solo releases prior to that being relatively uninspired. I wouldn't even say it was the plot progression that bothered me at the time because, while nothing outstandingly clever, if "Wreck-It Ralph" were to have a sequel, it makes decent enough sense to have the theme go from complete eye candy nostalgia to modern day relevant with the heavy movement of the gaming world transitioning to online platforms. In fact, as curious as I was to see how a character like Ralph would adapt to that type of change, and where I thought the whole "Breaks the Internet" was going to spin off from, something about the whole project just felt hollow to me that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

As it turns out, "Ralph" ended being a somewhat odd experience in that it was rich and playful in all the areas I wasn't expecting, and disappointingly flat in areas that seemed to me like easy wins the writers (Phil Johnston and Pamela Ribon, respectively) opted not to take for some reason. The end result is this rather mixed bag of hits and misses that serves as one of that last big Disney releases, sans "Mary Poppins Returns", before turning the page to 2019's enormous slate that could be either amazing or equally as mixed.

"Ralph Breaks the Internet" takes place six years after the original and finds Ralph and Vanellope basically where they left off - best friends that continue to do what they do in their respective Fix-It Felix Jr. and Sugar Rush arcade games, then after the doors are closed at night, they meet up and spend about every possible moment together shooting the breeze or goofing around in other games as part of their everyday routines. One day, when Ralph gets the impression that Vanellope has grown bored of Sugar Rush, he sneaks in during business hours to carve a new track for her to race on, which she loves, but the kids playing the game become baffled as to why they can no longer control her racer, and the custom steering wheel controller breaks. Normally this would not be a huge deal, except that the manufacturer of Sugar Rush has been a few years out-of-business now, and cost of the replacement part on eBay far exceeds what the game is worth and thus forces the arcade's owner, Litwak, to sell the game off for parts leaving all the characters within completely homeless.

By lucky chance, Litwak also so happens to be introducing wifi to the arcade for the first time, so Ralph and Vanellope capture the opportunity to infiltrate the internet and find that replace part for Sugar Rush. Unfortunately for them, what they thought was a game to win the steering wheel actually turns out to be a bidding war - a war that they win - for the small fee of $27,001 that the duo has twenty-four hours to claim or the bid is lost. 

Growing more and more desperate, Ralph and Vanellope accept a shady task from a pop-up store that will pay them the funds that they need if they can steal a car from a violent racing game called Slaughter Race (think Twisted Metal) that belongs to the game's primary "boss", Shank (Gal Gadot). During their escape, Vanellope begins to fall in love with the game, as it is exceedingly more suited to her personality, to the degree that she begins not to care about the money or going back home. Ralph then starts to see the writing on the wall, and after becoming more clingy than before, their friendship experiences its first straining hardship.

I won't go too much further as it could cause some spoilers; however, I will say this was one big point of the movie that annoyed me and still continues to do so as I continue to reflect on it. See, it appeared as though Vanellope's crafty driving skills were to create an easy escape out of Slaughter Race until they get caught by Shank at the last minute, resulting in their surrender. Shank then tells them that there are better ways to make money online than stealing, and just like that, the whole thing gets dropped. I know this is Disney, and this is something that needs to be seen rather than attempting to adequately explain, but that came across to me like a cop out. Vanellope and Ralph were already risking their lives, why not let the danger and mischief continue a bit longer so the life lesson could be learned rather than simply told? I realize that Vanellope is in the midst of developing an admiration for Shank, yet this compromise was just too easy when it could have easily made for better material than what was to come next.

To make matters worse, the alternative that is offered to them is easily the biggest misstep of the entire movie - Ralph making dopey viral videos in the land of BuzzzTube (guess they couldn't get that YouTube logo check) because "Likes" translate to cash. Sure, Ralph's clumsy, ogre nature makes for an easy and comical target, and of course the whole gag is to poke fun at modern culture's need to be entertained by stupidity and cute cats all day long, but all that attempted subtext is NOT Wreck-It Ralph. The tonality and gesture is a transparently hollow beating of the square peg in a round hole in an effort, or lack thereof, to add twenty or thirty minutes on to a plot too thin to stretch to an almost two hour length and remain compelling. By the time that was over, a big chunk of the Second Act I should add, I wished things were back to the good old days of stealing cars since that had some entertainment value that kept things moving.

Thankfully, once the film gets back on track and focuses on the aforementioned friendship ripple in the once blissful pond, everything finally comes together in what is an enjoyable Third Act that I certainly didn't see coming and might scare the pants off some of the younger crowd; even if some of it felt like it was paying a bit too much homage to a certain "Matrix" sequel. Nevertheless, it is during this climax that a bulk of the heart the movie was hinting at the entire time is captured, and once it hits the heartstrings, it makes the swerving journey up to that crossroads point feel a little more worthwhile.

Now, I did just knock on some failed subtext that the filmmakers tried to pass off as naked opportunism to look hip, but that's not to say they failed at it across the board. Initially, I was kind of bothered by the fact that the animation in "Ralph 2" somehow didn't seem a vibrant and alive as a Disney film normally would, and then I started to notice how it came off as purposefully plastic with all the brand names and famous website logos plastered all over everything, thus making it feel so sterile that it was borderline gross. Maybe I'm way off the mark, but I'd say that sounds like fitting commentary, wouldn't you? C'mon, not everybody would admit it, but if the internet had a taste, it'd be salty roadkill. 

When it comes to the two main characters themselves, I was also pleased at how much arc each one still had to offer after the completion of the first film. Granted, the plot scales are tipped towards Vanellope in this one, and while I do believe Ralph was underutilized with some painfully lazy dialogue at times, he was still left with enough personal growth to really put some sting in that Final Act that I mentioned before. That being said, I am not sure there was enough on either side that made me jump and say, "Yes, goddamn it, we really needed this sequel!" I suppose that can be said for most sequels, but you know what I'm getting at.

Overall, "Ralph Breaks the Internet" isn't too bad. Decent - I'll call it decent. I know I harped on the negative probably more than I intended to, especially since there were plenty of shining moments to enjoy. For instance, I thought for sure the whole "Oh My Disney" bit where Vanellope meets all the Disney princesses was going to be certainly painful; turns out, Disney actually can make fun of themselves, and the results had me rolling. Easily one of the highlights of the entire feature. Fix-It Felix Jr., while barely in this film because he didn't need to be, had some golden moments as well that parents will for sure appreciate. Additionally, there's a nod to Fortnite in there that was apparently cool. I didn't get it, because I don't play the fucking thing, but there's also that.

There has also been some negative talk regarding how the First Act felt rushed, but personally, I don't really agree. The nice thing about a sequel like this is that the main characters, their relationship, and the world around them is already so well-built that the writing doesn't need to spin it wheels or go back in time to establish what everybody going to watch it is already going to know. Spend a little time getting reacquainted with them, and then move on. I felt it worked and moved at the right pace.

I do wish that "Ralph 2" would have stayed truer to itself and its roots than trying to appeal to all the major sensibilities of its target audience. This is a film that seems to suffer some from an identity crisis in what could have otherwise been a solid follow-up. I did like it enough that I will certainly give it another chance or two just in case I happened to miss something. Even then, it's unlikely that I will see it as anything other than inferior to its predecessor, though that isn't to say it's a bad time at the cinema.

"Ralph Breaks the Internet": 6.5/10

OCTOBER-THON V Quick Reviews - Part 1

 Greetings, Film Fanatics!

With the first ten films in the books for October, I wanted to put out a quick review on each as time won't allow me to get too in-depth if I want to get to at least thirty-one in for the month. I am going to release them five at a time, so you're not left with a novella.

I will say that this first leg of the marathon has been less of a bang and more of a whimper, but unlike previous years where I would blend the familiar with the unfamiliar, this year I decided to do all titles that I have yet to see before or films that I haven't seen in so long that I barely remember them. Hopefully the risks will start to yield some rewards.

Now, with all of that out of the way, let's dig in!

#1: "THE OPEN HOUSE" (2018)

As far as premises go, one can do much worse than "The Open House". It doesn't lend itself to any big sparks of creativity, but I can get behind a faceless antagonist that uses open houses as perfect places to hide while potential buyers shuffle in and out without much notice being paid by the realtors. Having just gone through the home buying/selling process, I felt a plot like this was almost too fitting. The set piece of the big, isolated home in the mountains with a creepy cellar additionally worked to the film's advantage, except that is exactly not what ended up happening.

I want to say there was a much grander idea at play here from Writers/Directors Matt Angle and Suzanne Coote, and then that idea was hacked to pieces by the studio for budgetary reasons, because the flow and all the various character nuances make no sense. Characters appear and disappear, act multiple shades of strange, but none of that has any impact on the story or its climax. Also, while I doubt strong lead performances could have saved it, Dylan Minnette and Piercey Dalton are really phoning it in here, which suggested to me that even if the final cut of "Open House" did indeed not complete the vision of Angle and Coote, the actors still didn't buy into it. It's the kind of bad that's not even worth getting upset about, as there were not enough positive impacts to make it any kind of memorable.

3/10


#2: "MOTEL HELL" (1980)

I think my biggest surprise with "Motel Hell" was how restrained it turned out to be in terms of violence. Given the poster art and concept, I was expecting it to be dripping with '80s cheese and gory bliss; instead, the film relied much more on implications of bodily mutilations and coasted on the performances of the main cast. Of course it's goofy in more ways than not, though that's what it made it such a good time.

There's really not much more I can say about it. If you enjoy some '80s horror, I highly recommend it.

8/10


#3: "MOM AND DAD" (2018)

"Mom and Dad", a.k.a. "Pornography For Parents of Teenagers and I Dare Any of You to Deny That With a Straight Face", has almost a beat-for-beat spoof feel of "Dawn of the Dead" in a way that, for a while, is kind of awesome. Obviously, as one might automatically and justifiably assume, the film's success is going to rely heavily on Nicolas Cage and his - shall we say - Cage-isms. He does venture in cringe territory when his leash gets a little too much slack, but overall he is curiously fun to watch in ways that only he can. Sadly, the film unravels quickly when it begins to run out of ideas. A plot predicated on cartoon violence should really take that idea and just run with it with increasingly over-the-top antics; however, the pace comes to a screeching halt at the end of the Second Act when the narrative attempts to justify the sudden bloodthirsty attitudes of the parents, and unfortunately it never truly recovers. By that point, I really couldn't get reinvested and left feeling mostly "Meh". Fingers crossed that "Mandy" turns out to be much better.

4.5/10


#4: "DEMON HOUSE" (2018)

Sometimes I wonder why I keep subjecting myself to Zak Bagans and all of his bullshit. Logically, I imagine it's because his show "Ghost Adventures" is the most popular and accessible, and I have a deeply rooted desire to see some actual evidence of the paranormal. Believe me, I'm as healthily skeptical as the next guy, but I am open-minded to the possibility of things we cannot yet explain, and sometimes ghost hunting does offer ever-so-faint hints of that realm. Yes, I realize that the allure of "Ghost Adventures" isn't Bagans, since his charisma is somehow painfully less entertaining than standing in line at the DMV, so I wasn't at all surprised when his supposedly three-year pet project film about his investigation of a house haunted by a goat man he saw in a dream turned out to be complete unsubstantiated garbage littered with his robotic narration and re-enactments of what he supposedly saw instead of any records that he could at least try to sell as legitimate. Hell, there was even a segment of a priest's voice recording of an exorcism that had nothing on it other than, basically, "Ok, here goes..."

Unlike "The Open House", this is the kind of bad that bothers me, because Bagans has to know what he is selling, and I am willing to bet he makes a hefty price tag in the process. Normally, I would try to find something, anything, positive to assess a point or two towards, but there's really nothing redeeming about this. This film both objectively and subjectively pissed me off.

0/10


#5: "THE BROOD" (1979)

Even though I wouldn't call "The Brood" one of Cronenberg's greatest achievements, I do have a soft spot for its more "out there" yet straight forward approach to body horror that I can only imagine raised a few eyebrows nearly forty years ago; not to mention that the final cut was supposedly toned down a bit from his original version. I also enjoyed its different brand of storytelling where, in a way, feels like it is starting right in the middle of the Second Act where character introductions are limited and demon children start appearing fairly quickly as the overarching narrative and character dialogues slowly unravel the mystery in the background in a way not often seen in modern cinema anymore. It doesn't always work as smoothly as it should, especially as a bulk of the characters are not allowed to break outside anything two-dimensional; although, the climax can make you forget all of that in a hurry.

"The Brood" is definitely stylish for its time, and at a slick ninety minutes, it doesn't over stay its welcome. That being said, a little more depth could have gone a long way.

7.5/10