Top 5 Most Disappointing Films of 2024

Greetings, Movie Fans!

As you will see on my upcoming favorite film lists for the year, 2024 came with a large crop of fun horror films. I wouldn’t say any of them blew my everloving socks off or anything, but considering the genre tends to puke out trash ninety percent of the time, it was nice to see the script flip for a change where the garbage was easily the minority. 

I say this so you’re not fooled by the fact that a majority of my Top 5 Most Disappointing films are, indeed, horror. I also feel like I could change the name of this list to the “Shame On Me” list of 2024. I should have known better going in to have any hope for these, but that would be much less fun, would it not? 

Anyway, another year, another band-aid to rip off, so let’s do this.

5. “DON’T MOVE”

I know deep down that just because Sam Raimi’s name listed as a film’s top Producer shouldn’t mean jack or shit, there are plenty of examples throughout film history where a Producer known for their directing credits have lent influence onto the project, especially in the case of newer directors who are still rough around the edges. Plus, Netflix thrillers can be decent, it dropped during October, and they made a pretty compelling argument in favor of “Don’t Move” with an intense-feeling teaser trailer. That’s simply too far of a tasty-sounding combination to ignore. 

I should have listened to the voices in my head warning me - pleading with me - to not get my hopes up for this one. Something felt sketchy about it. My gut is often correct, and it was correct once again, “Don’t Move” lived up to its name in that I certainly didn’t move while watching, was not moved at all, and damn near fell asleep. The plot is what initially sold me in the first place, and I am a sucker for the good ol’ cat-and-mouse style thriller. Kelsey Asbille and Finn Wittrock are decent actors in their own right, but I don’t think they were good fits for this. Wittrock is written as a dorky antagonist that gave me no sense of pause at all, and speaking of writing, it went full swing into making Iris’ character (Asbille) the stereotypical idiot at nearly every turn. Suffice it to say I was pretty well zoned out by the end, so much in fact that I cannot even for the life of me remember exactly how it ended. ‘Tis a darn shame.

4. “APARTMENT 7A”

Yes, I know, the idea of creating a prequel to one of the all-time horror titans in “Rosemary’s Baby” should stink like failure from the jump just like nearly all prequels to all-time horror titans tend to suck. I think my sell on this was it’s been so long since “Rosemary” was released that it might provide an opportunity for fresh perspective and creativity. You’d think, but no, outside a few character personality shake-ups, “Apartment 7A” is a copy/paste remake more than it is a prequel that still can’t hold a fart-flavored candle to the source material.

I already did a full review on “Apartment 7A”, so I don’t want or need to say anything further. It’s a disappointment by full definition.

3. “IN A VIOLENT NATURE”

I’m sure I am not alone in the attitude that, when it comes to slashers, it’s all about the blood and the anticipation of the blood - and maybe nudity - but definitely the blood and how creatively it’s going to splatter. “In a Violent Nature” is shot from the POV of the killer, or specifically, filmed behind him similar to a third person shooter video game. I love the idea, and have seen it done in similar fashion before in films that I also love - the “Maniac” reboot from 2012 comes to mind. All of that is great and all, but sadly for “Violent Nature”, there wasn’t anything brought to the table outside the gimmick. We watch him stalk, kill, stalk, kill, again and again and a-gain-gain-gain. A couple of the kills are fun to watch, but the gimmick loses momentum quickly, and I found myself starting to zone out for the last thirty minutes or so. E for Effort, but I was hoping for more, and would be open-minded to another attempt in the future.

2. “CIVIL WAR”

It’s been a good, long while since a movie on this list has done more than the bare minimum of merely being disappointing. “Civil War” has finally cleared the hurdle of being both disappointing, and completely pissing me off the more I think about it. 

I remember watching the initial trailer the day it dropped and getting a lump in my throat. I was sitting in a parking lot and thinking, “Wow, we’re really going to do this. During an election year, no less.” Kirsten Dunst in the lead role, Alex Garland in the Director’s chair, and Nick Offerman playing his best version of Trump and not even trying to hide it. When it came to finally watching the film, I’ll admit I was thoroughly locked in. I wanted to see what kind of war crime was lingering around the corner, and while there was plenty of that, that’s really all there was, and I couldn’t help but feel let down about that. Actually, to Hell with that, I’ll say what I’m thinking right now - This. Movie. Pussied. Out. 

I’m sure most know by now that “Civil War” takes a hands-off approach to the titular Civil War, with the stakes and the causes of the conflict left ambiguous, but also didn’t all at the same time. The film definitely picked sides when it was convenient for the plot, so if you’re going to do that, why not fucking go all the way and show the real ugliness a war like this would imply. Violence alone doesn’t paint the picture well enough, it never does, so why they thought it would be good enough this time is an opportunity sorely lost. 

End of Rant, or I’ll never stop.

1. “ALIEN: ROMULUS” 

“Alien: Romulus” had my wallet on a silver platter the second I saw the trailer in the theater. Directed by Fede Alvarez, who had made some of my favorite horror films of the 2010s? Returning to the darker, horror vibe of the original “Alien”? Showing some immense brass by playing as a bridge film between the original “Alien” and its mammoth sequel “Aliens”? Like I said, it had my money on a silver platter.

Fortunately for me, I started getting a sour feeling in my gut as the release date approached, and I decided to wait until streaming to give “Romulus” a go. I think the logic started sinking in that this is now the ninth “Alien” movie if we’re counting the two “AvP” movies, and I couldn’t help but wonder what “Romulus” could possibly offer. Nonetheless, I still went into the film with baited breath, and that’s the most of anything I felt for almost two hours. Don’t get me wrong, “Romulus” is not a poorly made film. Alvarez is clearly in his element and moves the film along with ease, and the cast, most of which I’ve never seen before, carried the narrative nicely as well. I think that’s relevant to point out, because “Romulus” could be perfectly serviceable for any viewer new to the series, and to that end, I’d likely recommend it. I, however, am not new to the series. I have seen the first two films multiple times at this point, and “Romulus” couldn’t add any pizazz to the timeline that I could be bothered to give a shit about. Hate to be crabby about it, but being between the two classics is no legitimate excuse to make the film so paint-by-numbers that it couldn’t shake me out of any feeling of utter purgatory. 

The film was a success and Alvarez has already expressed interest in making a sequel somehow, so maybe the tenth installment will be the charm.