Top 10 Films of 2024

Greetings, Movie Fans!

And then there was one. 

Well, ten, but I digress.

There’s really not much I can say that hasn’t already been said on the previous lists. 2024 was another fruitful year of film, and trimming down to ten was no small task. I have no doubt that if I retroactively made this list again in 2034 (assuming we’re not all dead), it would look completely different. That’s the fun of it for me, though - the snapshot in time. And all the other snapshots shared across the digital stratosphere. 

As with most of us, there is a small list of films that I’m aching to see with every fiber of my being that my gut tells may have had a shot at the Top 10, but couldn’t get to before needing to get this list done, and those are as follows:

"ANORA"

"FLOW"

"TERRIFIER 3"

Without further delay, here’s my snapshot, and my Top 10 films of 2024!

10. “CHALLENGERS”

This is likely my biggest surprise of the whole list in that I didn’t like it quite as much as Luca Guadagnino's previous film from a few years ago, “Bones and All”, and I am certainly no expert on the subject of tennis. The latter made me wonder if it was possible for me to even get into “Challengers”, and that concern turned out to be shortsighted as Guadagnino is not going to make a garden variety sports film, in fact the film is “about” tennis as a metaphor about passion and lust - or at least that was my takeaway. Zendaya, Josh O’Connor, and Mike Faist all have great chemistry together as mostly unlikeable human beings. Perhaps as well they should considering the whole plot is based around their love triangle. Guadagnino also gets incredibly playful and creative with his choice of editing and shots from different perspectives. For the life of me, I cannot get this movie out of my head, and Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ unusual score has a lot to do with that. I’ll say this much, that’s the most edge-of-my seat I’ve ever been watching a film that has even the slightest bit to do with tennis. Good on ya, Luca.

9. “THE BRUTALIST”

Let’s get the disclaimer out of the way up front, shall we? If immersive, slow-burning, 3.5 hour movies are not your jam, you’re likely going to blow right on by “The Brutalist”. I wish I could erase this from my memory, but my local theater began advertising this film heavier after I saw it, and one of the first comments was:

“Don’t waste your money!”

Responder: “Why?”

“Because it was too long, AND there was a 15 minute intermission!! . . . Adrien Brody was good, though.”

Responder: “Oh, good to know!”

You paid poor lip service to a film, because you were too goddamn stupid to read the run time that said “210 MINUTES”? Fuck, I hate humans so much sometimes.

Anyway, all the attributes that I just listed about “The Brutalist” are many of the things that I loved about it. While not necessary sprawling like you would use to describe other long films like “The Lord of the Rings” for instance, it does feel like an experience you can melt into and forget you’re in a theater. Adrien Brody is absolutely brilliant as Laszlo Toth in the main role. His performance demands empathy onto his character, yet he is remarkably flawed that keeps everything thoroughly planted on the ground. That part I expected. What I didn’t expect was my initial thought after the film which was, “Holy shit - GUY PEARCE!!” I’ve always enjoyed Guy as an actor, but let’s be honest, he hasn’t come up to the surface much in the last two decades. He’s a formidable force in this film, and you’ll never know from one moment to the next if he’ll come across as compassionate, or as a complete prick. 

As for the story and directing, Brady Corbet, at the young age of 36, has made what could be his ultimate masterpiece already, and if you’re in the mood to catch some cushion for a sizeable chunk of your afternoon, “The Brutalist” is the one to see.

8. “SING SING”

Easily my winner for Feel Good film of the year, “Sing Sing” almost defies talking about at length because it deserves to be experienced completely without prejudice. Sure, there are dour and dramatic moments sprinkled throughout, I mean the plot practically demands it being about inmates at the titular prison trying to rehabilitate through the power of art. Not only that, but Colman Domingo aside (and he’s my frontrunner for Best Actor), the supporting cast is made up almost entirely of the real life inmates for which the story is based upon. Perhaps not the first film to do something like this, but it adds so much raw energy to a film that wouldn’t have had the same impact otherwise. I’ll be watching it again as soon as possible!

7. “NOSFERATU”

Not to say “The Northman” was devoid of color or anything, but I’m not sure what I would do or how I would react if Robert Eggers released a film with an explosive palette of colors from one frame to the next. I assume the audience’s heads, including mine, would simultaneously explode. Hell, I wasn’t sure how one could get much more black and grey than “The VVitch” or “The Lighthouse”, but here we are with another creeper-in-the-shadows work of art by a guy who might now be my favorite horror director working today . . .-ish. It’s really close. I can’t pick Robert over Mike Flanagan or James Wan, or any other such combination. It’s not fair!

At any rate, Eggers’ newly created world in the land of Nosferatu is gorgeously built, and his use of shadows to conceal Count Orlok (Bill Skarsgard) is richly defined. Speaking of the man behind the makeup, Skarsgard has his craft down to a science. His rendition of Orlok makes his turn as Pennywise seem like a warm-up exercise, and I fucking love those movies still to this day. The real powerhouse, though, is Lily-Rose Depp, who flips those shouting “nepo baby” off so damn hard I’m surprised she didn’t pull a muscle. It’s no small task to make yourself stand out in the company of Skarsgard, Nicholas Hoult, and Willem Dafoe, but she did it and I’m now sold on her career development for now on. 

I think what also helped “Nosferatu” crack my Top 10 this year is that it’s finally one that feels rewatchable to me. Previously, only “The VVitch” has that for me, because while I enjoyed “The Lighthouse” and “The Northman”, I couldn’t see myself going back. “Nosferatu”, on the other hand, will be getting another spin as soon as the blu-ray arrives in the mail. In my mind, that’s the highest praise I can give.

6. “WICKED”

Yes, I am a big admirer of musicals, and this one as a film adaptation (from Broadway and a novel) may have had the highest expectations I ever would have for one, unless they decide to make a film for “Avenue Q” - speaking of which, why the fuck hasn’t that happened yet??

Ahem.

I haven’t read the novel yet for “Wicked”, but I did see the Broadway show about thirteen years ago, and I’ve seen some spectacular shows on the stage, but “Wicked” I think was the one that stuck with me the longest for its sheer power of song. The film had a lot to live up to considering the two powerhouse actors, Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel, helped put the show on the map, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about Cynthia Erivo or Ariana Grande in the two lead roles of the film. I hadn't heard of Erivo really at that point, and while my opinion of Grande’s music is irrelevant, I wasn’t sure how her acting skills would translate in such a big production. Oh, and this is only Part 1 - there’s a reason those stopped being trendy before the end of the 2010s. 

Nevertheless, there was a ridiculous amount of talent from the cast all the way up to Director Jon M. Chu, and holy shit did they ever kill this! I went from completely unsure about the two leads to being completely in their corner in less than 3 hours. Erivo’s voice is incredible, Grande doesn’t do too badly herself (and has exceptional comedic talent), Jonathan Bailey, Michelle Yeoh, Jeff Goldblum, much more practical sets and effects than one would expect in the World of Oz in 2024, live recorded vocals, etc, the list is far too long. Say what you will about the Oscars, I can’t be paid to give much of a damn anymore, but if Erivo and Grande both come away with wins, it’ll definitely be justified.

5. “LONGLEGS”

There was definitely a pattern for unrecognizable horror antagonists this year! If you put Longlegs and Count Orlok next to each other and looked at them without any backstory or research, would you be able to tell anybody with confidence that they were Nicolas Cage and Bill Skarsgard? If you say “Yes”, you’re fucking lying, by the way. The best thing about that, too, is that everybody expects Cage to act insane at any given moment in any given film, but somehow when he’s covered up, I feel the license to do so grows exponentially, and you bet your ass that’s absolutely what he did as a serial killer in cahoots with the devil. 

I do recognize some of the detractors of this movie stating that it feels too much like “The Silence of the Lambs” and that it can’t possibly hold up to that kind of stature. To that I say I completely agree, but that’s also why I feel like it is pointless to compare the “Longlegs” apple to the “Lambs” orange. For one, Longlegs and Lector are nothing alike; and second, while we’re at it, neither are Harker and Starling. Besides, Osgood Perkins is no Jonathan Demme, but nobody is expecting him to be. He does just fine on his own here. Damn near every seen has something tense and unsettling about it whether Longlegs is there or not, and if you’re going to compare films, I would compare that strength, and argue that “Longlegs” absolutely deserves its day in the sun.

4. “YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME”

“What?? Placing a small, slow burn horror film above the likes of “Nosferatu” and “Longlegs” - how dare you?!”

Yep, and I’m not sorry, suckas! “You’ll Never Find Me” is a culmination of suspense, atmosphere, mystique, and creepiness - or more simply put - all my favorite things in a horror film. And yes, it is a small film, or at least small-feeling. It takes place in roughly one place, a trailer home, during one stormy night, and has only two characters in it - both played wonderfully by Brendan Rock and Jordan Cowan. Without giving too much away, the storm could really be considered a third character as it drives a bulk of the actions taken by the two leads and bends them to its will at times. Nothing gets me sucked into a horror film more than when you can see and feel the invisible crank getting turned tighter and tighter until something snaps, and “Find Me” does it with skillful precision. 

It’s currently streaming on Shudder, and I highly recommend checking it out!

3. “JIM HENSON: IDEA MAN”

Thanks a lot for the tears, Ron Howard, you crafty son of a bitch. 

I’ve never felt so damn happy and yet simultaneously heartbroken watching a documentary before, and probably never will again. Seeing anything regarding The Muppets or Sesame Street, especially back in their heyday as I remember them as a child, instantly gets my heart fluttering, but to see a breathtaking 108 minute behind the scenes look of the true magic Jim Henson and Frank Oz put together had me in the feels at an entrancing level. On the one hand, I got to see pieces of creations that I grew to love as a small lad when they were new to the world, such as “The Muppet Movie” and “Labyrinth”, and on the other hand, getting that sinking feeling in my gut knowing that Jim was once-in-a-lifetime and we’re not going to see this craftsmanship and true passion to create joy in the world again for who knows how long, if ever. Imperfect as all humans are, but Jim was a real gift to the world, and one that was taken away far too quickly.

2. “THE SUBSTANCE”

I’m nowhere near the first one to say this, especially since “The Substance” has gotten a lot more traction than I thought it would when it first came out (and I'm thrilled about that), but Coralie Fargeat legitimately has created the closest thing to a Kubrick/Cronenberg mashup love letter than anybody is likely to touch for a long time. And to think this is only her sophomore effort as a director, and an astonishingly big leap in every category over her debut “Revenge” back in 2017. Don’t get wrong, it was a good film and it boasted a lot of the style that we see here in “Substance” in the form of an impressive feature-length bloodbath, but it was too lacking in substance for me, pun intended. 

Talking in the same tone as before with Guy Pearce, another “holy shit!” performance this year after a long pause belongs to Demi Moore. She brought a side to herself I don’t think I’ve seen her do yet, and at the age of 62, knocked my socks off! Margaret Qualley, and much to my surprise, Dennis Quaid, also turned in award-worthy performances. What I also loved is how “The Substance” provides just about everything - body horror, nudity, gore, comedy, simple yet gripping plotlines - and all of it with clear design and purpose. None of that feels cheap like it is in about 98% of other films in the same genre. It kicked a lot of ass in many categories, and I don’t think it’ll be forgotten any time soon.

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At last, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, or at least I have. Fuck, there were a lot of movies to go through this year. The crown was difficult to award. There wasn’t a runaway winner like in 2023 with “Godzilla Minus One”, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I enjoy a little competition. That said, there was one film that had just a teeny-tiny amount of goods higher than the rest on this list, and at the end of the day, I’m satisfied with the choice.

Drumroll, please!

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1. “THE WILD ROBOT”

Yes, indeed, for as much as I love the “How to Train Your Dragon” films, and they are still my favorite even now, DreamWorks Animation may have a masterpiece on their hands with “The Wild Robot”. Quieter than some of its predecessors like “Dragon”, “Kung Fu Panda”, “Shrek” and a few others, “Wild Robot” boasts story, dazzling animation, and heart more than any DreamWorks feature I’ve seen to this point in time in their filmography. 

Truthfully, I fell in love with this film before I even saw it. The trailer had me so insta-hooked from the word GO, it was rather painful having to wait half-a-year to see it. It certainly didn’t hurt that the project fell into the reliable hands of Chris Sanders, who among other things directed the first “Dragon” film, along with “The Croods” and “Lilo & Stitch”. No big deal at all. Lupita Nyong’o was perfectly cast as ROZ, and showed a more comedic side than I’ve seen from her in previous outings. Pedro Pascal was also perfect as Fink the Fox, though if I hadn’t seen that in the credits, I would have had no idea it was him. He’s got a decent amount of range to his voice. And as I touched on earlier, while they have borrowed a bit from Sony, DreamWorks is killing it in the animation world right now when they get serious about their projects. I can definitely appreciate how they switch it up depending on the story and the audience they're trying to reach. I think there’s another “D” studio who’s long overdue to take notes on this. 

I know one could argue that the Third Act is a bit rushed compared to the pacing of the first two, but honestly, I don’t care. “The Wild Robot” is the film I needed in 2024, and it likely has a place in my Top 10 animated films from here on out. Well done!

The Honorable Mentions of 2024

Thank goodness 2024 decided to kick it up a notch in the second half, because by around July I was wondering if I’d even have enough films to fill a Top 10 at all. That’s not to say the first half didn’t have anything good in it. Did I enjoy “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire”? Of course I did, but I generally have an idea of what makes a Top 10 movie in my own head, for the sake of being honest, the American Godzilla movies aren’t likely going to do that, and that’s okay.

Back to the point, some really solid films came across my view in the second half of the year, so much in fact that not only did my Top 10 become increasingly difficult to narrow down, but so did the Honorable Mentions for a second straight year. I had to eliminate some just to get this list down to a manageable 15 titles. I know that’s still quite a bit, so I’m going to try my best to keep this as brief as possible. Key word being “try”. If reading isn’t your thing, then scroll through the pretty pictures and you’ll get the idea.

As always, these are in no particular order, and I’m excited to dive in, so let’s do this!

“ODDITY”

The truly great horror films of 2024 absolutely knocked it out of the park on atmosphere, and if anybody knows me, that is a GIGANTIC checkbox on my list of horror needs. “Oddity” kept its atmosphere fairly simple and was mostly regulated to two locations - an isolated home that boasted both vintage and modern aesthetics, and a mental hospital. Oh, and a blind woman with a Master’s Degree in the Heebie Jeebie field. As I put in my review for this one after it came out, it is predictable, but that’s not always a loss if the ride is enjoyable enough, and “Oddity” is beyond enjoyable enough.

“THE DEVIL’S BATH”

While we’re on the atmospheric horror topic, “The Devil’s Bath” was a visual and narrative feast. I was aware of it when it came out, but I got a nudge from a trusted source, so I put it in the fast lane of my To-Do List. Needless to say, I was not disappointed, and was completely hooked on the underlying subtext of depression beneath all the facade of demonic presence during a time period where no attention or understanding was paid to it. Also, did I mention a newborn child is hurled over a waterfall in like the first five minutes of the film? There, that’s something you know now. 

“INSIDE OUT 2”

Disney/Pixar would have had to try really, really hard to screw up the formula of the first “Inside Out”, and as I’m sure most everybody and their mother knows already since it is a Disney-Pixar movie, they did not screw up the assignment. The plot played out as a powerful progression from the first film, the new voice actors blended well with those who returned, and I say this every damn year, the animation still continues to floor the shit out of me. I even remember thinking last year, “How the fuck can they top the intricate detail of “Elemental”? Well, they did as they always do, and I’m sure I’ll be saying the same thing when “Elio” comes out this summer. 

“SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3”

2024 offered animated films of many varieties and moods, and when it came to having a (mostly) thought-free great time, “Sonic 3” surpassed every expectation I had. Can we step and marvel what an interesting and nostalgic evolution this trilogy has been in the course of only a few years? It went from utter disgust, to fixed, to getting better and better with each film. It seems pretty clear that “Sonic 4” is inevitable, but I’ll be curious to see if it can top the near-perfect blend “Sonic 3” had to offer. As much as I enjoy seeing the addition of more characters to the screen and their pitch perfect selection of voice actors, it’s Jim Carrey who is the glue that holds everything together, and if this was his last entry, I hope it’s not the beginning of the decline as I’m having entirely too much fun with this series. 

“CONCLAVE”

I know “Conclave” has cracked many Top 10s this year, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends being the quiet darling of the Academy Awards. It likely would have hit mine, but again, tough decisions had to be made. This is the first film in a long time that I’ve watched that built a surprising amount of suspense with nothing more than . . . talking. I’m not surprised, we are talking about Ralph Fiennes who can mesmerize no matter which side of the drama he’s on, and adding in Stanley Tucci and John Lithgow with similar talents in a story about corruption and greed in the Vatican - yeah, sells itself. 

“MEMOIR OF A SNAIL”

Adam Elliott, wasn’t I just talking about you?? And how in the fuck did I go almost entire year without knowing that your long awaited follow-up to “Mary & Max” (for others, I only had to wait a few months) had been released? I stumbled across it while watching somebody else’s Top 10. Oh, wait, I know why - American marketing fucking sucks. 

“Snail” operates at a very similar tone and pace as “Mary & Max”; in fact, if you look deeper passed the different plot of this new film, you’ll see that the two movies are almost structurally identical. But hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The comedy is sharper than ever, the animation is beautifully crafted proving once again that the medium is so badly underrated and underappreciated nowadays, and the tragic loneliness of the main characters struck a radiant chord like the harp of an angel. I won’t say why, because spoilers, but that last bit is an ironic joke for one of the running gags of the film. 

“YOUNG WOMAN AND THE SEA”

Quite possibly the best sport-themed film by Disney or anybody else since “Remember the Titans”, and I stand by that. Yes, being a Disney film, all the edges are smooth and shiny, and there were probably tougher bits of the true story left out for time and maintaining the vibe, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that “Young Woman” is an excellent true story about the life and accomplishment of Gertrude Ederle, with an excellent performance by Daisy Ridley to match. It’s a shame that films like these don’t draw much of a theater audience anymore, so I understand why it went straight to streaming, but I hope it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle. If you’ve got Disney+, this one deserves your attention.

“KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES”

Harkening back to what I was saying about animation with “Inside Out 2”, good grief, have they got the finger on the pulse with this series! I still enjoy being mesmerized by the outstanding progression and improvements made from “Rise” through “War of the Planet of the Apes”, and “Kingdom” did not miss a step at all. Story and direction-wise, “Kingdom” picks up the torch pretty sturdily from where “War” left off. I couldn’t help but be nervous, too, because transitioning from the master of motion-capture, Andy Serkis, and moving away from Director Matt Reeves to Wes Ball who did the “Maze Runner” trilogy, I couldn’t help nor deny my skepticism. It is a different ride from the original trilogy to be sure. It’s brighter, has more humor, and while it certainly does have conflict, it’s not to the same level as Koba, though how could it be? That dude is still nightmare fuel a decade later.

“TRANSFORMERS ONE”

Holy Christ on a Crunchwrap - a good, or should I say, GREAT - Transformers movie?! I’d given up all hope exactly three seconds after the second time Michael Bay sequel teased an awesome finale in “Dark of the Moon” only to NOT do that and continue upping his score of on-screen fecal matter. “One” going back to the complete animation formula with no humans was certainly a smart way to go, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that we’ve gotten shitpile after shitpile after shitpile with live action. They could have made that work, they just didn’t want to.  Let’s not get too carried away, though, we finally got a good one and it bombed at the box office while Bay’s monstrosities earned billions. I’m not sure whether to blame him or subtract another billion points away from humanity . . . or both. 

What was I talking about again? Oh right, if I had an award for “Greatest Surprise of 2024”, it would be a runaway with “Transformers One”. The animation is crisp and playful, the voice acting was fit to the task, and the story made for a great new origin that has me chomping at the bit for a sequel. 

“FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA”

Say what you will about the stuffy attitude expelled from some of the Golden Age directors still in action like Martin Scorcese and Steven Spielberg lamenting some of the blockbusters of today, and you’ll probably be right in your opinion, but Thank Zeus we have some balance because George Miller doesn’t appear to be one of those guys. Seeing as he’s about to cross to the age of 80 in a few short weeks, it is astonishing how much ass he is still kicking on the silver screen. Is “Furiosa” as good as “Fury Road” or even “Road Warrior”? No, but I would place it above the original “Mad Max” and “Thunderdome”, and who cares anyway, he took a risk on a prequel focusing even more on a lead female protagonist in a testosterone-filled apocalypse, and it’s still captivating as Hell. The action scenes - blood-pumping! Anna-Taylor Joy - excellent. Chris Hemsworth - won’t have to worry about being stuck as Thor all his life to say the least. The list goes on, and so does the eye-candy. Please don’t die, George, we need about five more of these.

“TUESDAY”

If not for some of the emotional connection feeling a bit too forced at times between the two main characters, and just simply wanting more of it, “Tuesday” would have easily landed in my Top 10. We’ve all heard and read the stories where Death as an entity is misunderstood and is treated like a bad guy because he appears scary only for doing his job. The story of “Tuesday” carries that same concept, except it takes it one step further by showing that Death suffers from this treatment, and doesn’t exactly enjoy what he’s tasked to do in this world. Oh, and how is Death portrayed in this film? As a talking, shape-shifting macaw, of course - what else would he be? A macaw voiced brilliantly by Arinze Kene, who successfully gave me shivers of the best kind every time he had something witty to say. I believe this is the debut feature-length directing effort by Daina O. Pusic, and if that’s the case, I’ll be keeping a sharp eye out for her work in the future. She’s had some practice with short film leading up to this, and she’s got a creative eye that intrigues me.

“LOVE LIES BLEEDING”

A suspense/thriller about body-building, lesbians, a crime organization, a sinister Ed Harris with a haircut that must be seen to be believed, and a beautiful career breakout performance from one Katy O’Brian. Simply put, I had a lot more fun watching “Love Lies Bleeding” than I thought I was going to, if maybe because the trailer did not do it adequate justice. I got the impression it was going to be some surreal acid trip when it turned out to be nothing like that. It is an A24 production, so there is going to be some weirdness in it, but the cast is entirely too game and Rose Glass’ direction far too on-point for that to matter. Oh, and this is hands down the best performance I’ve seen from Kristen Stewart. Period. Sometimes chemistry goes a long way. 

“I SAW THE TV GLOW”

I have to say I’m relieved that there’s an existing feature that finally allowed Justice Smith to showcase his talent and emotional depth. He’s had a run the last decade where he’s either been a part of, or was the lead, in some big budget features, and while I felt there was something more to him than what was on display, he was never portrayed as more than a squealing nerd in dangerous situations. Jack Haven also puts in a stellar, yet tragically stoic, performance as Justice’s on-again/off-again BFF of sorts, but it is Smith as Owen that emulates the underlying themes of “Glow”, and while the film could have gone much harder into said themes of identity and accepting one’s identity in spite of those who may not agree, it still leaves your stomach in knots from how naked both the story and characters feel. I do feel I need to watch it again to see if there were minor details I missed, and usually I don’t bother unless I was pretty into it the first time. Definitely worth a look!

“BILLY & MOLLY: AN OTTER LOVE STORY”

A documentary about a man who is incapable of having children takes in and cares for an orphaned otter. It’s so fucking cute and sweet it’ll give you diabetes. Whatever.

“THELMA”

Fact for the day: June Squibb is currently 95 years old. She was probably closer to 93 or 94 when “Thelma” was made. She looks, acts, and behaves about 30 years younger than that. She has officially made the Treasures list, and must be protected at all costs. 

Outside of that, I had heard some faint praise about “Thelma” on social media, but hadn’t really heard about its release in any way, so I thought I’d tackle it as soon as it hit Hulu. In the cliche of “they don’t make ‘em like this anymore”, “Thelma” is a thoughtful and outright funny little comedy about a grandmother that was scammed out of $10,000 online, she decides she’s going to right the wrong herself, and with the help of her co-star - the equally funny Richard Roundtree - humor ensues with just the right amount of heart sprinkled in a way that isn’t cynical or condescending. By the time it was over, I wanted to give her a hug and maybe go get some pie. 

Top 5 Most Disappointing Films of 2024

Greetings, Movie Fans!

As you will see on my upcoming favorite film lists for the year, 2024 came with a large crop of fun horror films. I wouldn’t say any of them blew my everloving socks off or anything, but considering the genre tends to puke out trash ninety percent of the time, it was nice to see the script flip for a change where the garbage was easily the minority. 

I say this so you’re not fooled by the fact that a majority of my Top 5 Most Disappointing films are, indeed, horror. I also feel like I could change the name of this list to the “Shame On Me” list of 2024. I should have known better going in to have any hope for these, but that would be much less fun, would it not? 

Anyway, another year, another band-aid to rip off, so let’s do this.

5. “DON’T MOVE”

I know deep down that just because Sam Raimi’s name listed as a film’s top Producer shouldn’t mean jack or shit, there are plenty of examples throughout film history where a Producer known for their directing credits have lent influence onto the project, especially in the case of newer directors who are still rough around the edges. Plus, Netflix thrillers can be decent, it dropped during October, and they made a pretty compelling argument in favor of “Don’t Move” with an intense-feeling teaser trailer. That’s simply too far of a tasty-sounding combination to ignore. 

I should have listened to the voices in my head warning me - pleading with me - to not get my hopes up for this one. Something felt sketchy about it. My gut is often correct, and it was correct once again, “Don’t Move” lived up to its name in that I certainly didn’t move while watching, was not moved at all, and damn near fell asleep. The plot is what initially sold me in the first place, and I am a sucker for the good ol’ cat-and-mouse style thriller. Kelsey Asbille and Finn Wittrock are decent actors in their own right, but I don’t think they were good fits for this. Wittrock is written as a dorky antagonist that gave me no sense of pause at all, and speaking of writing, it went full swing into making Iris’ character (Asbille) the stereotypical idiot at nearly every turn. Suffice it to say I was pretty well zoned out by the end, so much in fact that I cannot even for the life of me remember exactly how it ended. ‘Tis a darn shame.

4. “APARTMENT 7A”

Yes, I know, the idea of creating a prequel to one of the all-time horror titans in “Rosemary’s Baby” should stink like failure from the jump just like nearly all prequels to all-time horror titans tend to suck. I think my sell on this was it’s been so long since “Rosemary” was released that it might provide an opportunity for fresh perspective and creativity. You’d think, but no, outside a few character personality shake-ups, “Apartment 7A” is a copy/paste remake more than it is a prequel that still can’t hold a fart-flavored candle to the source material.

I already did a full review on “Apartment 7A”, so I don’t want or need to say anything further. It’s a disappointment by full definition.

3. “IN A VIOLENT NATURE”

I’m sure I am not alone in the attitude that, when it comes to slashers, it’s all about the blood and the anticipation of the blood - and maybe nudity - but definitely the blood and how creatively it’s going to splatter. “In a Violent Nature” is shot from the POV of the killer, or specifically, filmed behind him similar to a third person shooter video game. I love the idea, and have seen it done in similar fashion before in films that I also love - the “Maniac” reboot from 2012 comes to mind. All of that is great and all, but sadly for “Violent Nature”, there wasn’t anything brought to the table outside the gimmick. We watch him stalk, kill, stalk, kill, again and again and a-gain-gain-gain. A couple of the kills are fun to watch, but the gimmick loses momentum quickly, and I found myself starting to zone out for the last thirty minutes or so. E for Effort, but I was hoping for more, and would be open-minded to another attempt in the future.

2. “CIVIL WAR”

It’s been a good, long while since a movie on this list has done more than the bare minimum of merely being disappointing. “Civil War” has finally cleared the hurdle of being both disappointing, and completely pissing me off the more I think about it. 

I remember watching the initial trailer the day it dropped and getting a lump in my throat. I was sitting in a parking lot and thinking, “Wow, we’re really going to do this. During an election year, no less.” Kirsten Dunst in the lead role, Alex Garland in the Director’s chair, and Nick Offerman playing his best version of Trump and not even trying to hide it. When it came to finally watching the film, I’ll admit I was thoroughly locked in. I wanted to see what kind of war crime was lingering around the corner, and while there was plenty of that, that’s really all there was, and I couldn’t help but feel let down about that. Actually, to Hell with that, I’ll say what I’m thinking right now - This. Movie. Pussied. Out. 

I’m sure most know by now that “Civil War” takes a hands-off approach to the titular Civil War, with the stakes and the causes of the conflict left ambiguous, but also didn’t all at the same time. The film definitely picked sides when it was convenient for the plot, so if you’re going to do that, why not fucking go all the way and show the real ugliness a war like this would imply. Violence alone doesn’t paint the picture well enough, it never does, so why they thought it would be good enough this time is an opportunity sorely lost. 

End of Rant, or I’ll never stop.

1. “ALIEN: ROMULUS” 

“Alien: Romulus” had my wallet on a silver platter the second I saw the trailer in the theater. Directed by Fede Alvarez, who had made some of my favorite horror films of the 2010s? Returning to the darker, horror vibe of the original “Alien”? Showing some immense brass by playing as a bridge film between the original “Alien” and its mammoth sequel “Aliens”? Like I said, it had my money on a silver platter.

Fortunately for me, I started getting a sour feeling in my gut as the release date approached, and I decided to wait until streaming to give “Romulus” a go. I think the logic started sinking in that this is now the ninth “Alien” movie if we’re counting the two “AvP” movies, and I couldn’t help but wonder what “Romulus” could possibly offer. Nonetheless, I still went into the film with baited breath, and that’s the most of anything I felt for almost two hours. Don’t get me wrong, “Romulus” is not a poorly made film. Alvarez is clearly in his element and moves the film along with ease, and the cast, most of which I’ve never seen before, carried the narrative nicely as well. I think that’s relevant to point out, because “Romulus” could be perfectly serviceable for any viewer new to the series, and to that end, I’d likely recommend it. I, however, am not new to the series. I have seen the first two films multiple times at this point, and “Romulus” couldn’t add any pizazz to the timeline that I could be bothered to give a shit about. Hate to be crabby about it, but being between the two classics is no legitimate excuse to make the film so paint-by-numbers that it couldn’t shake me out of any feeling of utter purgatory. 

The film was a success and Alvarez has already expressed interest in making a sequel somehow, so maybe the tenth installment will be the charm. 

Top 10 First Time Watches of 2024

Greetings, Movie Fans!

Another year has come and gone, and I swear I just did this a few months ago. I suppose it's true, we are all on the speeding autobahn towards death.

This first Top 10 list of 2024 is for the films that I saw for the first time in 2024, and were released prior to that year.

Did I copy and paste that line from last year? Bet your ass, I did! My surroundings are devolving into a mumblefuck apocalypse where no matter how many times you redress something, you’ll just get a monosyllabic grunt response, followed most likely by the word “Woke”. So, yes, copy and paste. And could “Planet of the Apes” please happen in real life already, this clusterfuck has gone on long enough.

10. “IT STAINS THE SANDS RED” (2016)

I don’t enjoy adding voice to the echochamber that is the growingly popular “zombie fatigue”, but sometimes you have to call a Spade a Spade. It takes a special kind of plot and execution to catch my attention in the genre these days, and when “It Stains the Sands Red” was recommended to me in a “Try It, You’ll Like It” sort of way, I figured, why not? I trust the source. As per usual, they were correct, and “Sands” was a shockingly good and cleverly good time. Sometimes all it takes is looking at the mundane from a new perspective. All of a sudden you have a badass female protagonist that would normally be used as zombie bait, and a comedic approach to using a rogue zombie as a means of protection and a cure for loneliness - at arm’s length, of course - or it’d be a really short movie. I will say I didn’t love the ending as it felt like the writing ran out of fuel and became the sort of cliche behind the aforementioned fatigue, but in this case, I’m inclined to forgive it with the sharp direction and killer performance by Brittany Allen.

9. “PARANOIAC!” (1963)

I found myself venturing through a handful of the classic Hammer horror films of the 1960s this past year, and while all of them were various levels of enjoyable, it was “Paranoiac!” that found itself at the top of the heap for me if for no other reason than it had the best ending - and quite possibly one of my favorite endings to any horror film I saw all year. The casting was perfect, and included some familiar faces in the carousel of horror film during that decade, Freddie Francis directed with equal parts fun and tension, and the black & white cinematography by Arthur Grant brought the whole vibe home. The rest of I’ll leave up to viewing, because No Spoilers - silly bastards.

8. “THE INNOCENTS” (2016)

A film based in a Polish convent months after the conclusion of World War II where a bunch of nuns were raped and impregnanted by soldiers, which while involuntary, goes against their very vows? Okay, yeah, you had me at World War II. And nuns. The only time I’d turn a theme like that away is if Zac Snyder’s or Michael Bay’s name were attached to it. 

In all seriousness, though, if “It Stains the Sands Red” was the drink of 2016, then “The Innocents” was the detox. Mostly grey and grim from beginning to end, yet also manages to strike an intriguing balance between the best of humanity fighting for their beliefs and the absolute worst of humanity fighting for their beliefs. Once again, the cast is perfectly strong from top to bottom, but to not give the three leads (Lou de Laage, Agata Buzek, and Agata Kuleszka) their proper dues would be a disservice with their ability to mix their personalities into some truly powerful chemistry. Regardless of one’s own stance on religion and the politics therein, “The Innocents” is a film that really does deserve to be seen with the emotional impact it’s bound to leave.

7. “IN THIS CORNER OF THE WORLD” (2016)

Damn, 2016, I forgot just how solid of a year you were, and apparently, melancholy. Credit where credit is due, it took some guts by Writer and Director Sunao Katabuchi to take the manga series from the 2000s and go “You know what? ‘Grave of the Fireflies’ wasn’t sad enough to traumatize generations. Let’s make another one similar to it!” Okay, that probably isn’t even close to the thought process, but the point being, while I wouldn’t say it succeeded in quite reaching the level of gut-punchery in “Fireflies”, it comes pretty damn close in my opinion, so thank you for that, I guess? Beautifully drawn and realized, the film lulls you into a false sense of comfort, and then, before you know it, your insides are on the floor. I loved it.

6. “THE NAME OF THE ROSE” (1986)

As the saying goes - well, as my saying goes - any film with Sean Connery in it is worth seeing once, so when I came across “The Name of the Rose” available on stream, I had to leap at the opportunity. I vaguely knew of its existence, and in equal vagueness, knew of the 1980 novel from which it was based. Said novel, by Umberto Eco, carries the reputation of being so dense and complex that film will never be able to do it justice. I haven’t read it yet, so that determination for me will come later on, but thankfully, Director Jean-Jaques Annaud and his host of screenwriters were wise enough to take the parts of the novel that would translate well to film, and made a highly engrossing murder mystery in a 14th Century abbey. I’ll repeat that last part as that should be all the sell one should ever need - “a highly engrossing murder mystery in a 14th Century abbey.” Did I mention Sean Connery? And a young Christian Slater with a hilarious haircut rivaled only by Lloyd Christmas?

It’s still available on Prime. You’re welcome.

5. “MARY & MAX” (2009)

You know what I love? Animation, and in a lot of cases, stop-motion and claymation. You know what else I love? Dark, morose stories with unexpectedly clever humor. Put them together and you get the enveloping, depressing animated sandwich that is “Mary & Max”. Thank you, Adam Elliot, it was delicious. 

Oh, and if that didn’t fully grasp the mood, the titular character of Max being voiced by the late and great Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the grey icing on the cake. But I digress. It’s one thing to make a beautiful-looking film, but one with so much emotional depth it will take you through a bulk of emotional highs and lows in a lean 90 minute runtime is legitimately a work of art. It took me way too goddamn long to see it, so if you haven’t yet, don’t keep waiting.

4. “NEW RELIGION” (2023)

Whilst being one of my favorite horror movies that I watched last year, “New Religion” is also one of the most difficult ones to explain without giving away everything that I loved about it. In fact, it well-defines the term “hidden gem” as I stumbled upon it on Amazon Prime completely by accident. I hadn’t seen it promoted on social media, and it doesn’t even appear to have an American Wikipedia page. Still, the brief synopsis hooked me, and I wasn’t the slightest disappointed despite the fact that the synopsis isn’t really accurate. All I can really say is that it’s about a woman trying to connect with the dead. One dead individual, to be precise. It’s like this whole project is draped in mystery both inside and out. I couldn’t help but feel a bit haunted afterwards in the best sort of way. The slow burn is worth unraveling, and if that’s up your alley, don’t sleep on this one. I fear if it drops from streaming, it may not be found elsewhere. Spooky.

3. “THE ZONE OF INTEREST” (2023)

Hello again, World War II! Didn’t think I’d stay away very long, did you? Is it not obvious that I appear drawn to finding ways to have my guts ripped out through my chest? Oh, and the whole thing about my being a big believer that history repeats itself if not learned from and looking out the window lately is getting too creepy for comfort . . . ?

Anyway, Director Jonathan Grazer has crafted another Holocaust masterpiece in “The Zone of the Interest”, which is the most quietly - and I do emphasize “QUIETLY” - disturbing Nazi Germany story in recent memory. And it’s the quiet part that really makes the stomach-turning even more effective as you never see any of the violence. The story takes place at the home of a Nazi commander, where so happens to be right next door to Auschwitz, and the narrative is based on them. The kicker is that you can only HEAR muffled violence way off in the distance, and to say it’s unsettling would be the understatement of the year. I will not ever forget it. 

2. “MAD GOD” (2021)

You know that meme going around on Facebook that shows the end credits of “Jurassic Park” and that a gentleman by the name of Phil Tippett was the dinosaur supervisor so, of course, the running joke is that he did a really shitty job of supervising them?

No? Okay, fine, here it is:

The reason I bring it up is because I’ve come to the conclusion after watching “Mad God” that Tippett didn’t do a poor job of supervising the dinosaurs at Jurassic Park, it’s that they were bloody terrified of him! No, really, are you okay, Phil? Because “Mad God” is a stop-motion animated hellscape that most death metal artists can only aspire to in their wildest dreams. Spoiler Alert, and I feel guilty for saying this, but there was a stop-motion animated film that came out in 2024, literally called “Stopmotion”, that I thought was pretty good and cool to watch. I hadn’t really seen anything like it before. In actuality, I enjoyed it enough that I was considering it for my Honorable Mentions list this year. As fate would have it, though, I came across “Mad God” later on and, wow, you tried your best “Stopmotion”, but Tippett kicked your ass to the curb like a sack of moldy potatoes. 

I suppose that’s unfair in some respects because Tippett had the comfort of working on “Mad God” in-between projects for roughly 30 years. I imagine the filmmakers behind “Stopmotion” didn’t have that same luxury. Still, “Mad God”, in all its insanity, will wear the animation crown in my mind for a long time. I’ve never seen this much crafted violence and bodily fluids displayed in such a way before, and if you think that’s the note I’m going to end this on, you’re absolutely fucking correct.

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Much like last year with “The Handmaiden”, 2024 had a film that I saw for the first time that towered above the rest, and I knew instantly it was going to be #1 on this list. It deserved all the accolades received during the year of its release, and I argue it should submit itself again to the Academy and win some more on principle.

Drumroll, please!

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1. “CODA” (2021)

I don’t believe there’s any such thing as a perfect film or a perfect anything that is created by humankind. Perfection is subjective anyway, but given all of our flaws, the most common definition of perfection isn’t attainable. HOWEVER, there is absolutely such a thing as near-perfection, and I do have those feelings towards a particularly small handful of films that rarely gets added to. Well, last year - or 2021, technically - saw the end of that streak and a new film added to the near-perfect pile. “CODA”, written and directed by Sian Heder, is magnificent. Magnificent in its simplicity, craftsmanship, emotion, and the list goes one. How Emilia Jones didn’t get nominated for an Oscar with her commitment to this character and story is complete bullshit, and that could honestly go as well to the whole supporting cast who brought a story about the challenges of the hearing impaired to such resonating heights. Is it a bit sweet-toothy? Yeah, but how dare we enjoy such a thing, eh? Sometimes it’s nice to go to bed with a smile instead of dread. 

The only thing I hate about this film is that it is owned by Apple, and the likelihood of them releasing it on physical media is so abysmally low that it makes me want to strangle them more than I already would like to do on a daily basis.