Top 10 Films of 2022

I won’t lie - crafting these Top 10 lists is one of my favorite annual events. After taking what we’ll call a “break” for the last few years, I reflected on why and drew one obvious conclusion, and another that I hadn’t really considered before: 1) Obvious - because it’s fun, and 2) there is a certain catharsis about being able to reflect on each film and reminisce about how there was at least 20 hours spent last year that didn’t suck. 

What? Isn’t that a good reason?

Okay, fine. To expand on that further, I appreciate how these lists are snapshots in time. A visual of a particular frozen moment. Any Top 10 list can change and can change quickly. These films listed below are what I would call my favorites from 2022 as of today, but it’s perfectly feasible that I will watch twenty more films from last year between now and April, and for all I know, five of those would be worthy Top 10 contenders. The reason I’m talking about any of this is because I spent previous years, especially from November-February, trying to cram as many films in from that year as humanly possible to compile data. This time around, and moving forward, I accept that there are plenty of titles I haven’t seen that could have potentially made the list, and I’m okay with that. I will still enjoy looking back at the snapshots. 

One last thing before jumping in, it will be noticed that there are some major titles missing from both this list and the Honorable Mentions that I might as well address and get out of the way:

Have I seen “The Batman”? Sure haven’t. I blame it on Batman fatigue, and before anybody trips over themselves, yes, I had MARVEL fatigue, too. I quit watching them for 3 years before just recently getting caught up again. I will see “The Batman” eventually, but I want to see it in a frame of mind that will let me enjoy it fully.

Have I seen “Top Gun: Maverick”? Sure haven’t. Yes, I will at some point, but to be honest, the original “Top Gun” has never really done anything for me, so the promise of a far superior sequel still isn’t going to excite me all that much. That’s like being excited about clear-jumping a bar buried 6 feet underground. I’ll know when the time is right, and it’ll probably be a rare moment when I look at the American flag and feel my loins tickle. 

Have I seen “Avatar: The Way of Water”? Sure haven’t. I do regret that one slightly. At the same time, I have a feeling I’ll feel about the same for “Way of Water” as I did with the original “Avatar” - praise and appreciation in the moment, then have no desire to see it again for a decade.

Alright, enough flapping on. This post is going to be long enough. Here are my Top 10 films from 2022:

10. “BEAST”

I mentioned in my “Honorable Mentions” that the movie “Prey” nearly stole this spot away, but ended up not doing that because there was one that scratched an itch in a more satisfying way. 

No, not like that, you dirty bastards.

“Beast” was a nostalgia needle that landed a bullseye directly into my vein. I have been begging for a decent Man vs. Wild feature for years, and not only is “Beast” decent, but it catapulted clear over my expectations and landed in the next zip code.

Is it a perfect movie? No, of course not, but what it does have is a cast that is game, and an extremely well-crafted CGI lion with a salty attitude hell-bent on vengeance against humanity. I know I can always stand behind a film when my subconscious mind can parrot “That’s a fake lion” throughout the entirety of the film, yet at the same time, I’m gripping my couch and trying not to mutter out loud “Dear Lord, will nobody save Idris??” That’s another thing - I loved how the filmmakers went the extra mile to give everything a sense of realism that somehow often gets missed. Combine that with a sleek 90-minute run time that doesn’t overstay its welcome, “Beast” certainly satisfied my hunger for some nature thrills. 

9. “THE APOLOGY”

I don’t keep a weather eye on Shudder’s new releases. I much prefer the game of opening the app once a week or so, seeing the five or six titles that have been added and whispering “Oo, that looks fun!” to myself. One such instance of that is “The Apology” that I believe was dropped sometime shortly after Thanksgiving. After a quick glance I was already sold with a cast I actually recognized and a premise that spoke seductively to my need for psychological thrillers. 

I really can’t say much about it as one wrong slip could hint at spoilers, but what I will say is that it knew exactly what notes to play and when to play them. I don’t care for frills or bells and whistles - I want to feel that sense of claustrophobia that only tension in small spaces can provide, and a small added bonus, a battle of wits and morals. For me, “The Apology” sets the bar high for Shudder exclusives. You’re up next, “Skinamarink”. 

8. “FALL”

Far and beyond the biggest surprise of the year for me, “FALL” is a prime example of what fantastic editing, pacing, and realism can do when they work together. Similar to “Beast”, my mind chatter was saying the whole time that of course this is fake and there aren’t real people on top of a giant, rusty tower in the middle of fucking nowhere, but that didn’t prevent the whitening of my knuckles and the puckering of my asshole. Hell, the film’s thrills are so effective that you do eventually forget the two main characters are adrenaline junkies attempting to escape their own dumbass decision, and that you do want them to survive because quickly falling to their splattery death would be anticlimactic. 

I do also believe that this a film that can maintain its bite after multiple viewings, which isn’t always the case for thrillers like these, i.e., “The Sixth Sense”. Besides, if nothing else, it’d be fun to play it with family or friends who haven’t seen it yet so you can have front row seats to see how much they twitch.

7. “EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE”

It’s not that it would be impossible to expand on what has already been said about “Everything Everywhere All at Once”, but I don’t really want to. The best way to enjoy this film is to go into it knowing the least amount as possible so you can truly buckle in for how batshit fucking bonkers it is. 

What I will say on a basic level is that Michelle Yeoh is absolutely spellbinding in this film, and she has some fantastic chemistry with Ke Huy Quan, which is really what makes this engine work where it matters the most. As far as everything else you’ve heard regarding the action and a certain performance by Jamie Lee Curtis . . . yeah, it’s all true.

6. “MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON”

I’ve said it before, and have in fact a few times recently, and I’ll say it again - if a film can create empathy from me for robots, inanimate objects, or a shell with an animated mouth and a googly eye - congratulations, you’ve made a fucking great film. 

Going into “Marcel the Shell”, I was aware of the source material and the shorts that it was built off of, but I don’t believe I’ve actually read or seen any of them. Whether that would have altered my expectations or not, I’m not sure, but I’m glad that this film was my first real introduction to the character of Marcel and his world, because it was hands down one of the most delightful and joyous films I’ve seen in recent memory. I expected to laugh and possibly even cry, but it was the way the film made me do both that was most satisfying of all. Marcel has some unexpectedly witty humor and heart, and also flaws that make him easy to connect with as a viewer. I’m already excited to watch it all over again. 

5. “THE MENU”

Every year, there has to be at least one film that both gathers piles of praise, and also contrarian comments calling it “the worst movie they’ve ever seen”. The 2022 edition of such a film seems to be “The Menu”. Look, I get it, it was advertised as having a horror slant to it, and it turned out to be much more rooted as a satirical black comedy. Even as I watched it for the first time in the theater, I was thinking and hoping for a solid horror flick starring Ralph Fiennes - because I happen to love horror films starring Ralph Fiennes, or anything starring Ralph Fiennes. But I digress. What I got instead was a satirical black comedy, and I laughed my ass off at some pretty dark shit that will assuredly fill another space on the My Soul is Doomed bingo card. Sorry, not sorry.

I joke, but I can understand “The Menu” not exactly being everybody’s bag. There are really no likable characters (by design), the plot is criticism about criticisms, and for those looking for a thrill or two, “The Menu” doesn’t have the kind of deliberate pacing that is going to satisfy that craving. However, if you are fine with all of the above, “The Menu” has plenty to offer in terms of laughs and suspense, and one I will gladly be rewatching many times in the future.

4. “VIOLENT NIGHT”

David Harbour dressed as Santa and bloodying the ever-loving shit out of a hardy bunch of criminals isn’t something I ever knew I needed in my life, but now I do, and the result was AWESOME. Look, we have had plenty of horror movies in decades past that featured Santa and a trail of innards in his wake, but outside of maybe a choice few, none of them ever elevated past the level of good cheese. “Violent Night”, conversely, took the time to hit all the right boxes while not forgetting how to have a good time. It has heart, humor, and violence that steadily gets cranked up as the film goes along instead of showing all the cards in the First Act. It runs around 100 minutes, but feels much more like 80 with its near-perfect pacing. 

I don’t know if I can say if it will end up in the company of “Klaus”, “Home Alone”, and “The Muppet Christmas Carol” that I consider Must-Watches every December, but I’m more than willing to try it out and see how it fits!

3. “HELLRAISER”

Fuck it, I’ll say it right off the bat and run with it - the new imagining of “Hellraiser” both improves upon and transcends the Clive Barker original. I didn’t say it replaces or nullifies the original - I just said it’s better. 

When it comes to the horror mainstays of the 70s and 80s, “Hellraiser” is easily one of the most unique of the bunch. It dealt with the supernatural and the surreal, instead of a lone figure stalking neighborhoods and camps with an odd ultra-vendetta against fornication. Michael, Freddy, Jason, Chucky, and Ghostface all had their unique markers, but put them all in a line-up and none stand out quite as much as Pinhead, so in my mind, he deserves proper respect based on that and his particular breed of brutality alone. 

That being said, I absolutely loved the new take on Pinhead in this latest film, and Jamie Clayton completely owned the role. I was enamored by her new aesthetic, and honestly, the aesthetic of all the new Cenobites. They added a whole level of menace that I feel some of the Cenobites from the 80s lacked, and they brought some fun, creative kills along for the ride. Speaking of which, if I do have one complaint, is that I do wish they had used more practical effects for the gore instead of heavy reliance on noticeable CGI blood, but that issue disappears as quickly as it arrives.

There will always be a place on my list for the original “Hellraiser”, but when a reimagined version does it so right that it gives the classic car a shiny new coat of paint, I do feel I’ll be leaning towards this one more often than not when in the mood for Hell-like carnage.

2. “GUILLERMO DEL TORO’S PINOCCHIO” 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s a wrap. For me, this is the official “Pinocchio” to end all Pinocchios, and I won’t need to see any future versions.  No, really, eat your heart out, Disney - there’s a new-old sheriff in town, and his name is Guillermo Del Toro. 

Okay, I could be a Del Toro fanboy all day, but there’s a list to finish. At the same time, it’s not my fault that (nearly) everything Del Toro touches turns to gold, and as such, my expectations for “Pinocchio” were some of the highest for any film in 2022. I was quick to dismiss the possibility at first, but as I was watching this “Pinocchio” for the first time, I began to realize that some of those expectations had to have stemmed from the fact that the Disney remake, which also came out in 2022, inexcusably sucked. I wasn’t expecting a lot seeing as the Disney “live action” remakes have been getting steadily worse, but said remake did leave a void in my soul that needed repairing. Thanks to Del Toro’s patience and craft, that repair came and then some in the form of wonderful storytelling, character depth AND design, and another step up for the art of stop-motion animation. Every character and landscape that was brought to the forefront stood with their own sense of individuality, making them memorable in a unique way - not to mention having Ewon McGregor voice of Sebastian J. Cricket be one of the best casting choices of the year. Lastly, I adored the gravity of the story, and how it dealt with consequences, mortality in an honest way, and how “Happily Ever After” really can’t last forever. 

“Pinocchio” is a gem all around, and while I don’t know if any film could ever surpass “Pan’s Labyrinth” as my favorite of Del Toro's filmography, “Pinocchio” may be a strong second for a long time. 

And, finally, my Top Film of 2022:

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1. "THE BLACK PHONE"

Talks of nostalgia have come up a few times on this year’s lists, and “The Black Phone” also fits into that mold; however, it only does so in terms of vibe and cinematography, while the rest lives and dies on its own creativity and filmmaking choices. 

99% of the time, it’s hard not to be bitter when a film, particularly a horror film, fails to live it up to the hype generated around it, even if the hype is no fault of its own. “The Black Phone” felt differently to me leading up to its release right off the bat, because it was generating buzz, but the advertising and trailers were incredibly subtle in the best possible way. I remember when I saw the first trailer, which was also my first time hearing about it, before “Jurassic World: Dominion”. The trailer couldn’t have been more than 20-30 seconds long, and showed nothing but the titular phone itself in a grungy basement room. That’s all I had to introduce me to “Black Phone” outside of the eventual poster with Ethan Hawke’s face beneath a mask, and that’s all I needed to instantly get excited with a “Fuck yes, I need to see that! It’s hiding something, and I need to know what it is." 

What it ended up being, in my opinion, was the best and most complete horror film of the year, and the race wasn’t close. Everything about this film, all the parts that matter anyway, simply work. Mason Thames and Madeleine McGraw as the two main child actors were outstanding. Saying “Oscar-worthy” makes me cringe these days, but screw it, Ethan Hawke as the villain was Oscar-worthy in his performance, both humorous and unsettling. The set pieces were creepy and reminded me a little bit of “The Silence of the Lambs”. And tying it all together was a great, little editing choice to give the film a 70s tint style reminiscent of the movies from that era. 

Sometimes I do get too excited after a first viewing, but after I watched “The Black Phone” a second time at home, I’m thrilled to say it was just as good, if not better - leaving me with that fleeting, yet precious feeling of pure horror joy.