MRMOVIESETC
REVIEWS:
“The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre” (2003)
"Get her in there, Goddamn it, she's deader than a goddamn door nail."
Take a little stroll down Memory Lane with me, if you
will.
Over the course of a few decades, and likely a few
hundred horror films at least, only three had successfully gotten under my
skin:
“Child’s Play 2” – In my defense, I was really young at
the time and caught it on television by accident. Nevertheless, the killer doll
and blood squirting everywhere made me shy of the toy box for a while.
Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” – Also fairly young at the
time, but c’mon, animals that you see on a daily basis and think nothing about
are killing people. Plus, the dude with his eyeballs pecked out. Yeesh.
Lastly, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” from 2003 – oddly
enough, but I think I blame this one on a cold, wet Fall night, sitting a few rows
from the front of the theatre, and being way too buzzed on sugar and caffeine.
Still, this one left me somewhat shocked and silent for a few hours after the
fact; between the atmosphere and dark violence, something about it ended up bothering
me most unexpectedly.
***
Until this year’s Octoberthon VI, I had never revisited
this remake, due slightly out of intimidation. Although, I did also suspect
that after nearly sixteen years that I would likely not have the same
experience, and what’s worse, be a little embarrassed. At the very least, I was
hoping to find something redeeming that would justify my being kind of a pansy
about it when I was eighteen.
So how was the revisit?
Eh, it was fine. Not great or even really that good if we’re
being honest, and it’s definitely not scary like I remember it, or scary at
all, BUT there were more things that I liked about it than things that I did
not. First off, and this was the one characteristic I was not all worried about
it, was the look and vibe of this reimagined Leatherface. It certainly doesn’t
hurt that Andrew Bryniarski is a fucking house of a man who, with a really
slick-looking mask, is daunting and menacing with minimal effort. The only true
disappoint I had with him in particular that I had completely forgotten about,
and is not a fault of his, is the tease of Leatherface switching out masks.
This happens only once as sort of a tongue-in-cheek jab at Jessica Biel’s character
and it would have been so creepy and awesome if the filmmakers had committed to
that. That being said, the iconic beast is provided some true justice in this
film.
One other actor/character that I knew was going to be
good no matter what was R. Lee Ermey as Sheriff Hoyt. Seriously, one of the
best casting jobs in a horror film at the time. Ermey may not have been known
for any spectacular depth as an actor, but his direct, icy glare and sturdy
delivery made him both intimidating and delightfully disgusting as only Hoyt
would be. Hell, I’ll go ahead and say it, the scene in the van where Hoyt is
abusively forcing Morgan (Jonathan Tucker) to recreate the hitchhiker’s suicide
from the film’s opening is award-worthy. Sure, that may sound like an
exaggeration for a movie like this, but when Hoyt was talking, no one else
existed in that moment, and that only speaks volumes to Ermey as a presence.
Lastly for the good stuff, I think this newer “Texas
Chainsaw” catches the same spooky, suspenseful atmosphere as the original,
particularly when it comes to the Hewitt house. However, the original did that
setting far more justice than this remake. For one reason or another, the 2003 “Texas
Chainsaw” took a lot of Leatherface’s chase scenes outside, and sometimes that
was okay like in the clotheslines with the hanging sheets, but Leatherface and
the suspense of the film in general are much better served in claustrophobic
spaces. When he’s chasing people in a forest wailing and flailing all around,
it’s not quite as much fun; although, I did really like this film’s ending a
lot more than the original’s lackluster conclusion where it did go back to
tight quarters that allowed for a better final brawl and escape.
On the down side, it’s mostly the same stuff that plagued
horror back in the 2000s: lazy dialogue, jump scares that weren’t too effective
on the “jumpy” part, and the main cast of characters were supposedly being sold
as friends but it’s unintentionally hilarious how easily they abandon each
other when the chips are down. There is really not much to dig into with that;
you’ll just know it when you see it.
In the end, this is a remake that could have come out so
much worse than it did. At the time, Hollywood wasn’t insanely overdosing on
the idea yet, and clearly Michael Bay only put his name on this for a paycheck
because it was far-too-underhanded to be something from his influences. This
may be a film that barely scratches the GOOD surface, but it’s got enough
coolness going on that I will hang on to my copy and watch it some more in the
future.
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”: 6.5/10
